At a ballgame an older child was overheard plotting to hurt my children’s friend. Sure enough when the opportunity arose, while the ball was in play, this Bully flattened the child, and laughed! I didn’t find out about it until we were in the car on the way home. Even then the details were sketchy. Pieces of the story filtered in throughout the weekend. The little boy that was hurt is a family friend! His Mother is also dear to me. What upsets me most is that my children did nothing.
My Parents taught me that ‘a person who does not harm, but does nothing to stop it is just as guilty.’ I thought my children understood this did too. But when the time came to stand up for their friend who was being bullied they did nothing. I feel like I have failed. What do I do?
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Dear Mother
You are a terrific Mom, and your children are fine people. This is a learning opportunity for all of you. From what I understand there may have been a few very good reasons they did not stand up for their friend. Let’s make sure that next time they will have these tools.
In a public arena, in a game in play, there is not always a way to prevent an offense
NEXT TIME: If they hear of it in advance they should tell immediately
If not, as it occurs an adult should be told immediately, there’s no shame in calling for
adult back up
They may feel threatened; we don’t want our children to have to put themselves in harms way
NEXT TIME; They should only stand up to bullies if they feel safe enough to do
If not call for back up
Bullies look for a target who is easily dominated. Remind your children to travel in groups, there is perceived strength in numbers, and avoid being alone in secluded areas. They may be afraid this will happen to them. Reassure your children that they did the right thing by telling you, sooner would be better then you could do something about it. That bullying is wrong, they don’t deserve it, you won’t have it, and you are proud of them for being a good friend and telling.
As for you friend, she will understand. Share with her the advice you have given your children. Make the coach aware, if the team knows they will protect one another. A Bully who knows this won’t even try.
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