Dear Expert:
I have two wonderful boys whom I love more than life. Our youngest son is autistic and takes an incredible amount of my time and my husband’s time. Our older son, in Kindergarten, has always been such a “good boy.” Recently he has started acting out in school. He is acting angry, loud and rowdy and generally disruptive. Do you think that my oldest son is acting out because we are not able to spend enough time with him?
Dear Mom,
If your son is 5 or 6 years old (Kindergarten age), he is going to be acting out anyway. He is acting just like a child (imagine that!). Five year olds love to act and to be able to act out an anger situation would be really fun. Disruptive should be the middle name of most kindergarten children. Ames and Ilg have wonderful books about ages and stages, which would help you see how wonderfully typical your child may be.
What you can look for is the tone of your home. Do YOU shout when you are mad? Does your mate? How often do you take your time to explain feelings to him? When little boys are tired, they act mad. When they are hungry, they act mad. When they are disappointed, they act mad. Are you beginning to see a pattern here? You can begin to give your son “words” for his feelings. For example, “Johnny, you look angry”. OR “Johnny, you seem disappointed. I might feel disappointed if that happened to me”. Teach your child a vocabulary for expressing his feelings, especially anger. “I” statements work wonders: “I” don’t like it when you ****, and I’d like you to stop it”.
If you think you are not spending enough time with your older son, please feel free to have another family member take over care for your younger son and spend some quality time with the oldest child. It isn’t as much a LOT of time as really good QUALITY time.
Work on lessening your own guilt for everything that your son does that seems like a “problem”. Your son is learning about life in the very same way we all did: we made mistakes, we had “fits, we got into trouble, we were disruptive. Try to see his outbursts as an opportunity to help him get in touch with his feelings and express himself.
Lastly, take care of yourself. Having two little boys, a job, a husband, and a home to care for have to exhausting.
Mrna T. Dibble, LCSW, MSW
Creative Childcare Solutions "Ask the Expert"
Do you have a special needs child? And siblings? Do you have concerns? Write us - we'd like to help!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I cannot thank you enough for this post. I was having the exact same trouble and was lost. Turns out that I took your advice before you gave it and it has made a WORLD of difference. A little time one on one and allowing him some words to express how he really feels has made a VAST difference in his behavior at school and at home.
Hooray for you! Thank you for sharing your success. You and your children are thriving (and isn't that the foundation for just about every happiness??!!.
And because you shared this soooo many other families will feel empowered by YOU to reach outside what sometimes seems overwhelming and succeed too. Thank you for your encouragement, we are all in this together.
Post a Comment