Dr Feiste responded to one of our Mom's who was concerned about Nutrition and Behavior. He advised, as do we, that whole foods are best. Good nutrition is always the best and FIRST place we should consider while raising healthy well adjusted children.
... But what will they eat??!!!
If you are anything like me, I was out of ideas on just how to please everyone, all the time, and still provide healthy meals. So one day I sat down with my family and we brainstormed a list of "Family Friendly Meals." I will make sure we have these available, but THEY have to create the menu. Since they helped chose the foods, this should be a breeze! Here is a list you can run past your own family:
BREAKFAST IDEAS
Yogurt with Granola
Cereal:
Rice Krispies, Frosted Flakes, Raisin Bran, Fruity Cheerios,
Eggs, bacon or sausage
Fruit Smoothies
Protein Drinks
Waffles, pancakes or muffins
Bagels and cream cheese
Cheese Toast
Cinnamon rolls or toast
PB & J fingers
LUNCH and DINNER IDEAS
House Salad with fruit, nuts, cheese and/or meats
Cesar Salad
Sandwiches or roll ups:
Turkey, salami, pepperoni, ham, bologna and American Cheese
Chicken Wrap
(Chicken Tender, Lettuce, Shredded Cheddar and Ranch Dressing rolled in an tortilla)
Italian Subs
(Salami, pepperoni, American Cheese, Ham, Lettuce)
Kashi Pizzas
Bar-B-Que chicken or ribs
Crazy Nachos
(Chips, cheese, taco seasoned beef, refried beans, lettuce)
Taco Casserole
(Same as Nachos, without lettuce, layer and baked)
Fish Sticks
Tacos, soft or hard shelled
Calzones
Chicken Nuggets
Spanish Chicken
(in a crock pot combine; can tomato paste, can of beer, chicken breasts, Spanish olives,
cook on low all day serve with rice)
Chicken Alfredo
Beef Stroganoff
Satee Chicken or Steak with Peanut Butter and Coconut Sauce
Hamburgers/ Hot Dogs/ Corn Dogs
Note:
Many of these foods are cooked with fats/oils. Fish and chicken are lean meats, pork is higher in fat.
All good? Not so fast.... The next roadblock was balance and proportons. When I asked my child if he had eaten a healthy lunch at school, he could tell me what was provided, but healthy? How would he know? (he's not being sarcastic, he was really stumped). Here is a link to the new USDA Food Pyramid.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/nation/daily/graphics/diet_042005.html
After showing the pyramid your children may still want to know which food falls into each food group. Some favorites are:
DAIRY
Mozzarella cheese
American White Cheese
Cheddar cheese
All natural yogurts (smooth)
2 % milk
Cream Cheese or butter
Yogurt
Ice Cream
Note: Fats and Oils are in many things, including dairy, keep an eye on these here
VEGGIES
Lettuce
Broccoli
Corn
Green Beans
Carrots
Peas
Sweet Potatoes
Mashed, baked or fried potatoes
Butternut Squash Soup
Celery
FRUIT
Apples
Pears
Peaches (canned)
Pineapple
Bananas
Grapes (red seedless)
Oranges
Kiwi
Strawberries
Blueberries
Raspberries
GRAINS
Bread
Crackers
Rice
Pasta
Corn Bread
Cereal
Pizza dough or bread sticks
Bagels, toast, pancakes, muffins and waffles
PROTEIN
Meat; Beef, Chicken
Ham, Fish
Eggs
Protein Powders
Yogurts and Nuts
Beans
Note: Fish and chicken are lean meats, pork is higher in fat. Always limit sodium,
sugar, high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners and fats. Fruit and veggies
are most healthy eaten cleaned and raw.
Hope this helps!
Oh! And please post your families favorite recipes /nutritional suggestions! All the best,
Stacy
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Working Mom Needs Help
Dear Expert:
Can you help me? I am working now after being a stay at home Mom for years. I am finding that with all the work at work and work at home, I don’t have time or energy for my husband any more. I have two teenage sons who also demand my time. There’s plenty of guilt about there not being enough of me to “go around”. What can I do?
Exhausted
Dear Exhausted,
“Never do anything for anyone who can do it for themselves,unless it gives you BOTH pleasure.” Virginia Satir
Your problem sounds very familiar. As more and more women go into the work force, the more I hear this issue. First, you are operating as if you were still at home full time. If you have a husband and two boys at home, you can sit down with them and work out a plan to share some of the home chores. You and your husband are now BOTH employed so he can take on some of the chores. With the boys, you have a parental responsibility to teach them some life skills (such as cleaning a kitchen, mopping, taking out trash).
I can tell you without doubt that they will not like the idea of their mother asking for help since they haven’t been asked before (or they’ve been asked but you couldn’t get them to comply). Secondly, I decided that whenever a baby is born, the mother gets a baby, a placenta, and a bag of guilt. We feel that if there is a “glitch” in our child’s behavior, we must have “forgotten” to teach him/her that or we didn’t impart the right knowledge, enough knowledge, etc., etc., etc.
Trust that you’ve done as good a job as you knew how to do. That’s all we can do as humans. I was sure that I could, somehow, “convince” my boys that chores were great and they could learn to like to do them. Well, needless to say, I found a way to enforce the chores but to this day, they don’t shout with joy when they do their own chores . (Wait a minute, I don’t either!) Thirdly, you will have to find a way to ask for help (expect help) and stand your ground. That will involve knowing that YOU have a right to have some time for yourself. You get to decide how you spend that time. “Yes I’m going to my meeting.
Yes, I’m sitting down. Yes, I’m getting my nails done”. You can expect some resistance and you can expect some “push back” (as in, “can’t we get this back to the time when YOU did everything?”) When you get some disrespectful comments, just deal with the disrespect by giving a swift, meaningful consequence and go on and go to your meeting (even if it is a group of friends and you’re talking about books, or knitting, or nothing).All us humans dislike and inherently resist change. My friend, John has a plaque on his wall that says: “Change is good. You go first.” This is a huge family change that should take place. Perhaps you want to sit down with your entire family and map out the changes.
For example, “now that I’m working, I need for us to re-examine how things get done around here.” Stop feeling as if you are letting them down. You will be teaching your boys some valuable life skills and teaching them that in their relationships with other females, they will have to make at least a 50% contribution. As for your husband, I think he will have more respect for you (eventually) if you expect to be treated as an equal and not as the family maid.
Give it a try and let me know how it works out!!
M>T Dibble, LCSW, MSW Family Expert for Creative Childcare Solutions
Can you help me? I am working now after being a stay at home Mom for years. I am finding that with all the work at work and work at home, I don’t have time or energy for my husband any more. I have two teenage sons who also demand my time. There’s plenty of guilt about there not being enough of me to “go around”. What can I do?
Exhausted
Dear Exhausted,
“Never do anything for anyone who can do it for themselves,unless it gives you BOTH pleasure.” Virginia Satir
Your problem sounds very familiar. As more and more women go into the work force, the more I hear this issue. First, you are operating as if you were still at home full time. If you have a husband and two boys at home, you can sit down with them and work out a plan to share some of the home chores. You and your husband are now BOTH employed so he can take on some of the chores. With the boys, you have a parental responsibility to teach them some life skills (such as cleaning a kitchen, mopping, taking out trash).
I can tell you without doubt that they will not like the idea of their mother asking for help since they haven’t been asked before (or they’ve been asked but you couldn’t get them to comply). Secondly, I decided that whenever a baby is born, the mother gets a baby, a placenta, and a bag of guilt. We feel that if there is a “glitch” in our child’s behavior, we must have “forgotten” to teach him/her that or we didn’t impart the right knowledge, enough knowledge, etc., etc., etc.
Trust that you’ve done as good a job as you knew how to do. That’s all we can do as humans. I was sure that I could, somehow, “convince” my boys that chores were great and they could learn to like to do them. Well, needless to say, I found a way to enforce the chores but to this day, they don’t shout with joy when they do their own chores . (Wait a minute, I don’t either!) Thirdly, you will have to find a way to ask for help (expect help) and stand your ground. That will involve knowing that YOU have a right to have some time for yourself. You get to decide how you spend that time. “Yes I’m going to my meeting.
Yes, I’m sitting down. Yes, I’m getting my nails done”. You can expect some resistance and you can expect some “push back” (as in, “can’t we get this back to the time when YOU did everything?”) When you get some disrespectful comments, just deal with the disrespect by giving a swift, meaningful consequence and go on and go to your meeting (even if it is a group of friends and you’re talking about books, or knitting, or nothing).All us humans dislike and inherently resist change. My friend, John has a plaque on his wall that says: “Change is good. You go first.” This is a huge family change that should take place. Perhaps you want to sit down with your entire family and map out the changes.
For example, “now that I’m working, I need for us to re-examine how things get done around here.” Stop feeling as if you are letting them down. You will be teaching your boys some valuable life skills and teaching them that in their relationships with other females, they will have to make at least a 50% contribution. As for your husband, I think he will have more respect for you (eventually) if you expect to be treated as an equal and not as the family maid.
Give it a try and let me know how it works out!!
M>T Dibble, LCSW, MSW Family Expert for Creative Childcare Solutions
Have We Created A Monster?
Dear Ask The Expert
My husband and I have a 11-year-old daughter that we love dearly but we are at a loss as to what to do about her. In our attempts to be good parents, we have given her far more “things” than we ever had as children. Now, she is a tyrant when she does not get her way. Sometimes I give in just to not have to suffer the effects of her temper tantrums. Have we created a monster??
Loving (but worn out) Mom
Dear Mom,
When I was contemplating your question, I went to look up the pre-adolescent child and the stage of development your daughter is in. Here is what I learned: “critical of adults, rebels at routine, moody, resents being told what to do, strives for unreasonable independence, considerable individual differences, craves alone periods, strong urge to conform to group more, intense interest in teams”. Does any of that sound familiar???
Actually, this is a great time to begin to set reasonable boundaries for what you expect and what you will buy for her. I would suggest that you and your husband sit down together and decide exactly the behavior you DO want: for example, We expect her compliance with requests to do chores, to pick up after herself, to turn off the television, gameboy, etc. when we ask. We will buy her gifts, clothes, shoes, etc. when…….(that’s a family decision) and we expect her to accept the family decision with little to no tantrums. The next step would be that you and your husband actually write down approximately 5 house rules for her, stated in the positive.
For example...
Rule 1: Homework is to be done at ___ o’clock in (state location).
Rule 2: "Play" (television, gameboy, outside, telephone etc) can happen after homework and chores are done.
Rule 3: Any discussion about rules needs to be done in a calm tone.
If there is any shouting (parents or child), the “discussion” should be postponed until both or all three parties can talk calmly.
Rule 4: We will be respectful of each other.
That means that any discussion that she has with you that is disrespectful should end immediately and she should go to her room, or some other designated place until she can talk to you respectfully. (I’ve sent boys back several times until we could talk about what is happening.)
Rule 5: ...
After you have written the rules, have a family meeting with her about the new, great, changes that will be happening in your family.
Temper tantrums are appropriate for children of about 2 or 3 years old. …not 11. You might consider telling her that inappropriate tantrums will be dealt with the same way you dealt with them at 2: totally ignoring them or putting her in her room for a nap. Certainly, a 2-year-old would not be allowed to go the mall with friends or have her own cell phone. I’m guessing that her tantrums include being disrespectful to you and your husband. That can be dealt with as a “rule”, as well.
Your child wants to “negotiate” her own will. Good for her. But it doesn’t mean that we have to give in to it. YOU know what is best for your child and you need to insist that she gets what is best and not what she WANTS.
Of course, you will be called “mean”. That just means that you are doing a great job of insisting that she grow up.
You can begin to insist that your daughter “earn” her privileges and even clothes, shoes, and incidentals. I’ll bet she has enough “stuff” to last a year. You don’t “owe” her the frivolous things, just the basics. She will feel much better about herself is she is responsible for earning some things.
The most simple way I know to begin this is with the “if/then or when/then” statements. “When your homework is done, you may……..”.
"If you get your room cleaned by 5:00pm, then you may…………..”.
"When you can talk to me respectfully, then we can have a discussion about…………..”
Remember that you are setting boundaries that you child will need in the “real” world.
Let me know how it goes!
Mrna Dibble, LCSW, MSW
Family Expert with Creative Childcare Solutions
My husband and I have a 11-year-old daughter that we love dearly but we are at a loss as to what to do about her. In our attempts to be good parents, we have given her far more “things” than we ever had as children. Now, she is a tyrant when she does not get her way. Sometimes I give in just to not have to suffer the effects of her temper tantrums. Have we created a monster??
Loving (but worn out) Mom
Dear Mom,
When I was contemplating your question, I went to look up the pre-adolescent child and the stage of development your daughter is in. Here is what I learned: “critical of adults, rebels at routine, moody, resents being told what to do, strives for unreasonable independence, considerable individual differences, craves alone periods, strong urge to conform to group more, intense interest in teams”. Does any of that sound familiar???
Actually, this is a great time to begin to set reasonable boundaries for what you expect and what you will buy for her. I would suggest that you and your husband sit down together and decide exactly the behavior you DO want: for example, We expect her compliance with requests to do chores, to pick up after herself, to turn off the television, gameboy, etc. when we ask. We will buy her gifts, clothes, shoes, etc. when…….(that’s a family decision) and we expect her to accept the family decision with little to no tantrums. The next step would be that you and your husband actually write down approximately 5 house rules for her, stated in the positive.
For example...
Rule 1: Homework is to be done at ___ o’clock in (state location).
Rule 2: "Play" (television, gameboy, outside, telephone etc) can happen after homework and chores are done.
Rule 3: Any discussion about rules needs to be done in a calm tone.
If there is any shouting (parents or child), the “discussion” should be postponed until both or all three parties can talk calmly.
Rule 4: We will be respectful of each other.
That means that any discussion that she has with you that is disrespectful should end immediately and she should go to her room, or some other designated place until she can talk to you respectfully. (I’ve sent boys back several times until we could talk about what is happening.)
Rule 5: ...
After you have written the rules, have a family meeting with her about the new, great, changes that will be happening in your family.
Temper tantrums are appropriate for children of about 2 or 3 years old. …not 11. You might consider telling her that inappropriate tantrums will be dealt with the same way you dealt with them at 2: totally ignoring them or putting her in her room for a nap. Certainly, a 2-year-old would not be allowed to go the mall with friends or have her own cell phone. I’m guessing that her tantrums include being disrespectful to you and your husband. That can be dealt with as a “rule”, as well.
Your child wants to “negotiate” her own will. Good for her. But it doesn’t mean that we have to give in to it. YOU know what is best for your child and you need to insist that she gets what is best and not what she WANTS.
Of course, you will be called “mean”. That just means that you are doing a great job of insisting that she grow up.
You can begin to insist that your daughter “earn” her privileges and even clothes, shoes, and incidentals. I’ll bet she has enough “stuff” to last a year. You don’t “owe” her the frivolous things, just the basics. She will feel much better about herself is she is responsible for earning some things.
The most simple way I know to begin this is with the “if/then or when/then” statements. “When your homework is done, you may……..”.
"If you get your room cleaned by 5:00pm, then you may…………..”.
"When you can talk to me respectfully, then we can have a discussion about…………..”
Remember that you are setting boundaries that you child will need in the “real” world.
Let me know how it goes!
Mrna Dibble, LCSW, MSW
Family Expert with Creative Childcare Solutions
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Sensory Dysfunction Classroom Modifications
A Mother asked:
"What kind of modifications should I ask my son's school to make for his sensory dysfunction? We have just found out about our 6 year old's Sensory Integration Dysfunction. Specificallyhe has Hypersensitive Hearing, everything is loud and at the same volume, he can't focus or filter out so sometimes the teacher gets frustrated. Sometimes it is too loud or busy for him to concentrate on quiet activities (reading, testing etc). And sometimes he is so overstimulated she said he "acts hyper." Because we are pretty quiet at home, I don't have the same problems she does at school. What kinds of things can she modify at school so eveyone is happy?"
"What kind of modifications should I ask my son's school to make for his sensory dysfunction? We have just found out about our 6 year old's Sensory Integration Dysfunction. Specificallyhe has Hypersensitive Hearing, everything is loud and at the same volume, he can't focus or filter out so sometimes the teacher gets frustrated. Sometimes it is too loud or busy for him to concentrate on quiet activities (reading, testing etc). And sometimes he is so overstimulated she said he "acts hyper." Because we are pretty quiet at home, I don't have the same problems she does at school. What kinds of things can she modify at school so eveyone is happy?"
Am I Paying Enough Attention to My Typically Developing Child?
Dear Expert:
I have two wonderful boys whom I love more than life. Our youngest son is autistic and takes an incredible amount of my time and my husband’s time. Our older son, in Kindergarten, has always been such a “good boy.” Recently he has started acting out in school. He is acting angry, loud and rowdy and generally disruptive. Do you think that my oldest son is acting out because we are not able to spend enough time with him?
Dear Mom,
If your son is 5 or 6 years old (Kindergarten age), he is going to be acting out anyway. He is acting just like a child (imagine that!). Five year olds love to act and to be able to act out an anger situation would be really fun. Disruptive should be the middle name of most kindergarten children. Ames and Ilg have wonderful books about ages and stages, which would help you see how wonderfully typical your child may be.
What you can look for is the tone of your home. Do YOU shout when you are mad? Does your mate? How often do you take your time to explain feelings to him? When little boys are tired, they act mad. When they are hungry, they act mad. When they are disappointed, they act mad. Are you beginning to see a pattern here? You can begin to give your son “words” for his feelings. For example, “Johnny, you look angry”. OR “Johnny, you seem disappointed. I might feel disappointed if that happened to me”. Teach your child a vocabulary for expressing his feelings, especially anger. “I” statements work wonders: “I” don’t like it when you ****, and I’d like you to stop it”.
If you think you are not spending enough time with your older son, please feel free to have another family member take over care for your younger son and spend some quality time with the oldest child. It isn’t as much a LOT of time as really good QUALITY time.
Work on lessening your own guilt for everything that your son does that seems like a “problem”. Your son is learning about life in the very same way we all did: we made mistakes, we had “fits, we got into trouble, we were disruptive. Try to see his outbursts as an opportunity to help him get in touch with his feelings and express himself.
Lastly, take care of yourself. Having two little boys, a job, a husband, and a home to care for have to exhausting.
Mrna T. Dibble, LCSW, MSW
Creative Childcare Solutions "Ask the Expert"
Do you have a special needs child? And siblings? Do you have concerns? Write us - we'd like to help!
I have two wonderful boys whom I love more than life. Our youngest son is autistic and takes an incredible amount of my time and my husband’s time. Our older son, in Kindergarten, has always been such a “good boy.” Recently he has started acting out in school. He is acting angry, loud and rowdy and generally disruptive. Do you think that my oldest son is acting out because we are not able to spend enough time with him?
Dear Mom,
If your son is 5 or 6 years old (Kindergarten age), he is going to be acting out anyway. He is acting just like a child (imagine that!). Five year olds love to act and to be able to act out an anger situation would be really fun. Disruptive should be the middle name of most kindergarten children. Ames and Ilg have wonderful books about ages and stages, which would help you see how wonderfully typical your child may be.
What you can look for is the tone of your home. Do YOU shout when you are mad? Does your mate? How often do you take your time to explain feelings to him? When little boys are tired, they act mad. When they are hungry, they act mad. When they are disappointed, they act mad. Are you beginning to see a pattern here? You can begin to give your son “words” for his feelings. For example, “Johnny, you look angry”. OR “Johnny, you seem disappointed. I might feel disappointed if that happened to me”. Teach your child a vocabulary for expressing his feelings, especially anger. “I” statements work wonders: “I” don’t like it when you ****, and I’d like you to stop it”.
If you think you are not spending enough time with your older son, please feel free to have another family member take over care for your younger son and spend some quality time with the oldest child. It isn’t as much a LOT of time as really good QUALITY time.
Work on lessening your own guilt for everything that your son does that seems like a “problem”. Your son is learning about life in the very same way we all did: we made mistakes, we had “fits, we got into trouble, we were disruptive. Try to see his outbursts as an opportunity to help him get in touch with his feelings and express himself.
Lastly, take care of yourself. Having two little boys, a job, a husband, and a home to care for have to exhausting.
Mrna T. Dibble, LCSW, MSW
Creative Childcare Solutions "Ask the Expert"
Do you have a special needs child? And siblings? Do you have concerns? Write us - we'd like to help!
Friendships and Visitation for the Child of Divorce
Another tough question from a blended family…
“My husband and I are divorced and my son has regular visitation with his father. The problem is that my son has a friend who loves to visit us……….but only in MY home. My son’s father has another wife and a very different lifestyle than I have. My son has invited his friend to play with him at his dad’s house too. His friend doesn’t want to go there. I don’t want my son to feel bad, I don’t know what to do.”
Dear Mom,
It may be that your ex-husband has a problem, but it doesn’t sound as if you have a problem at all. If your son asks you why you think his friend won’t visit him at his father’s home, you might say that you can’t image why he doesn’t want to visit but perhaps the friend is “shy” and he just doesn’t know the family as well. This situation is, after all, between your son and your ex-husband. And you know your child and his friend enjoy playing at your home. It’s perfectly acceptable to not get in the middle of this situation. If your son doesn’t want to explain it to his Dad, that’s OK, too.
Mrna T. Dibble, LCSW, MSW
Creative Childcare Solutions “Ask the Expert”
What are your blended family concerns?
“My husband and I are divorced and my son has regular visitation with his father. The problem is that my son has a friend who loves to visit us……….but only in MY home. My son’s father has another wife and a very different lifestyle than I have. My son has invited his friend to play with him at his dad’s house too. His friend doesn’t want to go there. I don’t want my son to feel bad, I don’t know what to do.”
Dear Mom,
It may be that your ex-husband has a problem, but it doesn’t sound as if you have a problem at all. If your son asks you why you think his friend won’t visit him at his father’s home, you might say that you can’t image why he doesn’t want to visit but perhaps the friend is “shy” and he just doesn’t know the family as well. This situation is, after all, between your son and your ex-husband. And you know your child and his friend enjoy playing at your home. It’s perfectly acceptable to not get in the middle of this situation. If your son doesn’t want to explain it to his Dad, that’s OK, too.
Mrna T. Dibble, LCSW, MSW
Creative Childcare Solutions “Ask the Expert”
What are your blended family concerns?
Thursday, February 12, 2009
The Pack Mentality - A High School Story
Mrs. Leighton, my Mom said I should tell you my story. So here it is, I am a Freshman in High School. HS Girls are mean, I mean really nasty. But what’s worse is you never see it coming! The best you can do is try to stay out of their way or try to be their friends, and MAYBE they won’t pick on you. But sometimes you just have to stand up for what’s right even when you know it won’t be popular.
So like some of the girls in the popular crowd (I was in it too) decided they had to make sure none of the other girls in the group had any other friends, outside the popular group. They made a list of the friends we could have, the clothes we should wear and even the boys we could like! I was out that day. The next day when I went to school they told me I had to dump some of my “other” friends. Because one had zits, another was a geek, another… well you get the picture. These “other” friends were good friends. The truth is I like them better than the popular crowd. But when you are in the popular crowd everything (Boys, school, lunch, parties, football games…) is soooo much easier.
I told them I didn’t know about that, and could I think about it? They smiled (looking back it was kinda creepy) and said I could. That Friday we had a sleepover like we always did. I got there late because I had dance after school. What I didn’t know was that some of them were hiding in the closet. They tried to get me to say bad things about them, when I didn’t they jumped out and laughed. It wasn’t a good feeling.
That Monday I told them to forget it, I’d rather be friends with “real friends” than with them. They made my life a living h--- for a while, but they got tired of it, and things are pretty quiet now. And you know what’s really funny? The boy I liked on the Football team? The one they said was “on their side” didn’t know about it, didn’t care about it and is my best guy friend. Who knew?!
So like some of the girls in the popular crowd (I was in it too) decided they had to make sure none of the other girls in the group had any other friends, outside the popular group. They made a list of the friends we could have, the clothes we should wear and even the boys we could like! I was out that day. The next day when I went to school they told me I had to dump some of my “other” friends. Because one had zits, another was a geek, another… well you get the picture. These “other” friends were good friends. The truth is I like them better than the popular crowd. But when you are in the popular crowd everything (Boys, school, lunch, parties, football games…) is soooo much easier.
I told them I didn’t know about that, and could I think about it? They smiled (looking back it was kinda creepy) and said I could. That Friday we had a sleepover like we always did. I got there late because I had dance after school. What I didn’t know was that some of them were hiding in the closet. They tried to get me to say bad things about them, when I didn’t they jumped out and laughed. It wasn’t a good feeling.
That Monday I told them to forget it, I’d rather be friends with “real friends” than with them. They made my life a living h--- for a while, but they got tired of it, and things are pretty quiet now. And you know what’s really funny? The boy I liked on the Football team? The one they said was “on their side” didn’t know about it, didn’t care about it and is my best guy friend. Who knew?!
My Children Did Nothing - A Mother's Story
At a ballgame an older child was overheard plotting to hurt my children’s friend. Sure enough when the opportunity arose, while the ball was in play, this Bully flattened the child, and laughed! I didn’t find out about it until we were in the car on the way home. Even then the details were sketchy. Pieces of the story filtered in throughout the weekend. The little boy that was hurt is a family friend! His Mother is also dear to me. What upsets me most is that my children did nothing.
My Parents taught me that ‘a person who does not harm, but does nothing to stop it is just as guilty.’ I thought my children understood this did too. But when the time came to stand up for their friend who was being bullied they did nothing. I feel like I have failed. What do I do?
My Parents taught me that ‘a person who does not harm, but does nothing to stop it is just as guilty.’ I thought my children understood this did too. But when the time came to stand up for their friend who was being bullied they did nothing. I feel like I have failed. What do I do?
Now That's Thinking! (and a little bit gross)
Dear Stacy,
As I share this story I am laughing! Kids are so great, sometimes left to their own intellect they can come up with some pretty creative solutions! I’ve changed the names… but this is a TRUE STORY.
Taylor was 12. He liked school and made friends easily. One day he told his Mother about a boy named James, who had been taunting him every day in Math class. The Teacher didn’t see it, but because the bully was so often in trouble with the Teacher, Taylor was afraid telling would only make it worse… for her.
His Mom reassured him that she was glad he told her, it was not okay and offered him a chance to work it out. HOWEVER, if it got worse or was not resolved in one week she would speak to the administrator.
The very next day, at carpool Taylor practically bounced into the car. He was all smiles.
“How was school?” His Mom asked.
Taylor said “Awwwwesome, I don’t think James is going to mess with me anymore.”
Now it was his Mom’s turn to worry, “What happened?”
“Yeah, Mom, so like we had a Sub today right? And James was really acting up, he wouldn’t let her do her job. Now Mom, it’s one thing to pick on me, but it’s ANOTHER thing to harass the Sub. So I told him to “Shut Up.” “James said are you going to make me?”
“So you know what I did Mom?” She was afraid to ask.
“I got up like I was going to sharpen my pencil, ‘cause he sits by the sharpener. And this is the best part! I forgot to brush my teeth this morning, so my breath was reaaalllly bad. I leaned close to his face and breathed hot stinky breath in his face!”
What can a Mother say? He found a solution and solved his conflict, without fighting. James has not taunted Taylor since that day!
As I share this story I am laughing! Kids are so great, sometimes left to their own intellect they can come up with some pretty creative solutions! I’ve changed the names… but this is a TRUE STORY.
Taylor was 12. He liked school and made friends easily. One day he told his Mother about a boy named James, who had been taunting him every day in Math class. The Teacher didn’t see it, but because the bully was so often in trouble with the Teacher, Taylor was afraid telling would only make it worse… for her.
His Mom reassured him that she was glad he told her, it was not okay and offered him a chance to work it out. HOWEVER, if it got worse or was not resolved in one week she would speak to the administrator.
The very next day, at carpool Taylor practically bounced into the car. He was all smiles.
“How was school?” His Mom asked.
Taylor said “Awwwwesome, I don’t think James is going to mess with me anymore.”
Now it was his Mom’s turn to worry, “What happened?”
“Yeah, Mom, so like we had a Sub today right? And James was really acting up, he wouldn’t let her do her job. Now Mom, it’s one thing to pick on me, but it’s ANOTHER thing to harass the Sub. So I told him to “Shut Up.” “James said are you going to make me?”
“So you know what I did Mom?” She was afraid to ask.
“I got up like I was going to sharpen my pencil, ‘cause he sits by the sharpener. And this is the best part! I forgot to brush my teeth this morning, so my breath was reaaalllly bad. I leaned close to his face and breathed hot stinky breath in his face!”
What can a Mother say? He found a solution and solved his conflict, without fighting. James has not taunted Taylor since that day!
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